B horror movie where the B stands for "bad"

When A Stranger Calls 


I don't even know why I am wasting my time writing about this. I suppose it is to warn anyone from seeing it. Rent the original if you want to be bored, don't bother seeing this remake.
In general I don't see remakes, but the opportunity to see a film with a friend who is also a horror fan led us to this film. True, I don't regret going because I did really like the North by Northwest style house in the film. However, a house can't carry a film I learned. Even the House on Haunted Hill needed characters for it to be spooky.
When A Stranger Calls is pretty thin in terms of story. As a horror film it's a feature length cliche of teen girl (Jill Johnson) with boyfriend troubles who is stalked by an unknown killer. Her best blonde friend is killed (who by the way was played by an actress who was at least 30 as my film going friend pointed out). There's the usual suspenseful creaky sounds that Jill Johnson pursues only to be suprised by nothing there. Even these supposed suspenseful scenes are anything but. This film even has a black cat for good measure. The only great moment for me was when the glass to the indoor aviary was broken open and there's a close up of the black cat eating one of the canaries. Unfortunately, this is a flash on the screen and has nothing to do with the rest of the film. It foreshadows nothing. No one gets killed (except the blonde bimbo and the live-in maid, but she has no lines) and we are bombarded with annoying phone sequences -- that at times lack logic -- and even more confusing moments with the house's security system (is it on or isn't it?). The feeble attempt at some sort of storyline with Jill and her boyfriend is left hanging and so what. No one cares if they get together or not. He's never thought to be a suspect so who cares. The bad nothing-but-expository dialogue we've endured gives us nothing to care about or even hope for.
As for the killer in the traditional serial killer issued outfit (akin to prison garb with black boots), there's no explanation of who he is or why. When we are given a long moment on his face at the end it means nothing. Is this supposed to be burned on the mind of Jill Johnson? Why she wakes up screaming in the end, I don't know. This isn't Carrie. She didn't wrong someone and watch her whole school burn to the ground in a bloody massacre. The killer doesn't make it scarier, but at least gives her something to run from. I think at least in the original there was some attempt to make us feel sorry for the killer's warped world.
When a Stranger Calls? Try not to be aware that there's a camera and crew there.
When a Stranger Calls? Wandering aimlessly through the rooms of a posh house will not help.
When a Stranger Calls? Hang up.