Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I watched the sky clear this morning and then cloud over. By the afternoon a thick mist turned to light rain. The snow has become a thick slush, which makes walking on the sidewalks like walking on a sandy beach, my feet slid and struggled as the slushy snow gave way underfoot. The tree boughs and roofs still look lovely, but I can tell that the snow is weighty from the damp weather. I suspect in the morning much of the rest will have melted and washed away.

The day was a series of menial chores and bouts of play with the cats. Cozy at home, it took all of my strength to go out and make my way to one of whoville's fitness centres. While it felt good to run, I did not want to be chasing time and distance on a treadmill.

Something has definitely shifted in me over the past few days. A run outside usually helps clear my mind. Thoughts are jostled around and turned over again and again until I come up with a polished idea or problem solved. At least this is what I hope to achieve when I run with thoughts that need sorting. The treadmill really sorted nothing and I became anxious to return home and see my kitties again.

My sis has left the Haida Gwaii. Her plans haven't turned out as she had hoped. She's "back east" (as people say here -- surely we're not all from "back east" are we?). She's gone eastward now and is in Montreal where she is much wanted as an actress. She was recently voted best actress by one of the local papers (did I mention this already? Can I boast about it again?). Anywho...the travel south and then east brought her here and she stayed with us a couple of nights again. I got to see the cast of characters. As always it's great to see her and the cats, but i was still saddened by it all. I'd hoped she'd find the life she wanted on the islands, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

The whole turn of events has me considering my own life and its direction (or lack thereof) and thinking about what's really important in my life. I'm grateful that D. has the patience and wisdom I need in a partner. I suspect my desire to come home from the fitness centre to see the cats was part of that need to feel secure and certain of some things in my life. The next few days, I suspect, will continue like this as I try to figure out my own direction in life.

3 comments:

Allyson said...

Ah, the direction question. It's amazing how many times this comes up in a life, isn't it? You'll find your way. We all do, eventually. It's the eventually part that is hard, though...

red jane said...

How strange- I was going to start with an "A-ha" as well and then I read Allyson's comment...but I do undertsand the wonder/wandering space we get into- the "what's it all about? Is that all there is? Is this what I came here for?", as I sit inside avoiding the late night Staurday life that exists outside of my tiny nest. I think things come to us in differnt guises, an if we stay open and available for them we can glimpse them, even fleetingly. But sometimes we just have to bully through, make a hard choice and move forward. You'll know when the time is right for whichever comes your way.

sp said...

The "eventually" part is the hardest. I know I'm in the middle of figuring it out. It's much like working through the story writing process. I know I can work through this. With my sister's recent turn of events it just threw me for a loop I guess.