Catering season

How to Survive the hors d'oeuvre Christmas Party Season.

It's that time of year again! Our bread and butter season so-to-speak. Night after night you have to put on your catering personality and tray up those tiny delicacies and oh the shame of returning to the kitchen with a tray half full. This is the dangerous part when food disappears one canape at a time into your mouth. The staff will indulge. There is also the delicate matter of keeping what you really think to yourself and try not to let your face show it too.

Now I don't really have to worry about the food since I'm vegan and ninety percent of what I serve is inedible. But for those of you out there who sneak around the corner and pop three or four crostinis down the hatch you need to be careful. One, two, three...no wait was that five? Uh-oh you may have come from the gym, but you haven't had your dinner yet and your filling up on puff pastry stuffed with a soft creamy cheese and topped with colourful somethings. Also the buffet style dinner party is very dangerous. Not only have you snaked your way through prep but mid way through the dinner you get a dinner break yourself that is hastily eaten. So my advice is to limit yourself to one hors d'oeuvre of each variety since a simple taste is fine and after all isn't it far more pleasurable to foist the puff pastry treat upon a guest who has been a complete pain in the derriere? Let him or her gain the extra five pounds. As for the buffet...drink water or juice or have mint to get through the prep phase. Wait for your dinner and select small tastes of each dish and avoid the sauces all together. If you find that you can't change your ways there's always veganism, which is the best option for all these reasons and more!

I should mention cocktails as well. Try to avoid testing the pre-mixed cocktail if you're not working the bar. Some pack a powerful punch and the sugar content in those concoctions might push you straight into an early New Year's hangover. Stick to water which is almost always plentiful and juice is a good option.

Now for the guests and I'm not going to mince words here. Maintain your composure and keep acting. Keep the evil thoughts to yourself or to share later with colleagues or wait until you're well behind closed doors where the guests won't hear you.
Here are some hints for approaching the guests with food. When a group is in conversation try to aim for the most likely candidate that will break the hors d'oeuvres ice and then others will follow or "give in" as they often claim. Older men are always a good place to start. They rarely refuse anything being of that generation that ate anything their wives put in front of them. Often they don't care to hear your spiel about what you offer and may even give you a blank stare when you say "endive with chevre and a port reduction." Women are a challenge. Generally, and I hate to say this but, the skinnier and younger they are the less they eat. Once again that older generation of women tend to give the tray a scrutinizing squint before helping themselves. The more botox and surgery in the room the less likely they are to even acknowledge your presence, sad but true. Don't despair aim for the man beside her because with a little encouragement he will go for it. My favourite is when the men tell these oh so "tailored" women how fantastic the food is and they should try it themselves. Does he not see the expression of disgust on her face? It is hard to read since the skin if often very taught. Just keep passing, hitting these people you are confident with and the food will go. You might even get lucky when passing sweets since women tend to give in and start eating. Aren't we a complex gender? Unfortunately, these events do tend to be generally gender divided in this way and the male and female behaviour is all too predictable.

Good luck with your December parties. Keep your head up, your tray steady and the glasses full.

Cheers!