Many of my blogs should be "fragments of the week." I feel fragmented, pulled in many directions, a sense my interior world being in several places at once with no single focus. I suspect it's because of the catering season peaking and never really knowing how many days a week I'll be carrying the garment bag to a new part of whoville that I've never seen before, but oh my god it's gorgeous at night with a light snow dusting and sparse Christmas decorations.
Ironing a black shirt, I had a flash of the last ten years. I went to writing school and then waitressed. Then I went to film writing school and now I'm catering. Hmm, do you see a pattern? Ironing shirts, putting on the pleasant front, and crashing at the end of a busy week trying to find some semblance of who I really am, trying to find time to turn the scraps of paper, journal entries and blogger snippets into something more.
It feels like a new screenplay is waiting to be conceived. I yearn for it again. Yearn to find that story that needs to be told. After graduate school I feared, as most writers do I suppose, that maybe the inspiration would never come again, maybe the stories were used up, maybe I had put everything into that one feature screenplay. The labour had been a difficult one and there was the fear of a still birth, but I got through it and everyone came out healthy in the end (if you know my feature screenplay, "Sacred Space" you'll get even another layer of meaning from this. haha). It was difficult enough letting go of the characters and their lives, letting them breathe on their own. I denied the post-natal blues, but in retrospect they were there and I mustered through it with a little story editing, a little baking and a lot of running.
The film I made this past year pulled me back to the creative process and the reasons I love it. I'll post some images soon I hope. My super fantabulous editor J.K. just sent me some stills from the film. Coming soon...
2 comments:
I haven't written anything creative other than blog posts in years. I resonante with your statement about "maybe the inspiration may never come again".
I fear that. I also fear NEVER writing again. And I also know my fear keeps me from writing.
Fear is such a stumbling block. It always creeps up somewhere to keep one from writing. The blog is a creative form of expression, or at least it can be and you've demonstrated that on your blog. It's not unlike journaling and hopefully we can mine something of value out of it all whether it be a creative piece or not. Whether you're writing or cooking or whatever you need to express yourself creatively and as long as you do that you're fulfilling that inner need.
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